all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
