you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
My ATM looks so different sober.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
