Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
