If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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