I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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