Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
