good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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