y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize