Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
