The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize