A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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