Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize