What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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