didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
