I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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