How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
