Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
