Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
