She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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