I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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