Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
