Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Randomize
