Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
