Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
