Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
