My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize