At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
