he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I love you.
Bad choice
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