I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize