Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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