You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
