So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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