yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
