i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
