Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Randomize
