suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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