so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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