bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize