When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
