Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
