put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
