The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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