got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
