Pappa wants mamma naked
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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