my vag is so smooth its legendary
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
