Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
