I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
