big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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