Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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