I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
