btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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