I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
