A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
