can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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