remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Randomize
