I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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