HIV tests are more positive than that guy
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
