Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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