remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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