Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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