Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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